双语丨米切尔给爵士的初体验:出名,就是这种感觉吗?

译者：HYT1SG

编辑：棒棒木有糖

Utah Jazz fans are used to having to champion their lesser known stars. With Gordon Hayward was having an All-Star year, Jazz fans would interject Hayward into any conversation much like that overeager friend who’s really into bitcoin. Yes, we know bitcoin is awesome, but we’re talking “A Quiet Place”. Wait your turn. The same was said about John Stockton and Karl Malone. Nothing says underwhelming superstar like John Stockton being able to travel anywhere in the United States without being recognized. Karl Malone who even won two MVP trophies was overshadowed by Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen. So what does a team and a fanbase do when the popular kids suddenly start asking you to sit at their table because of Donovan Mitchell?

这么多年了，爵士的球星一个比一个低调，爵士球迷也习惯了硬着头皮吹捧自家不被认可的明星。戈登-海沃德刚进全明星的那年，爵蜜们就开始把海沃德强行植入到各种“最佳”讨论里，就像是一个痴迷炒比特币的人，见人就吹比特币多么多么厉害。是，我们知道，相比海沃德，比特币确实厉害，但我想表达的是这种低调中庸的球队气质，等我说完你们再反驳。就比如约翰-斯托克顿，他这种被严重低估的球星，可以随意环游美国，而且绝对不会被认出来；再说卡尔-马龙，两届MVP得主，却一直活在迈克尔-乔丹与斯科特-皮蓬的阴影之下。所以，爵士球迷一直不敢说自己是“主流球迷”，但当那些主流们突然开始讨论多诺万-米切尔，开始对爵士产生兴趣邀请咱们爵蜜加入他们，我们该如何应对呢？

This is uncharted waters as a Jazz fan. Seeing the national media gush over Donovan Mitchell is an out of body experience. As Jazz fans, we were taught to despise everything that Donovan Mitchell is, starting with Michael Jordan. Michael Jordan caused every Jazz fan pain and terrible suffering. Do you get to have the worst moment of your fandom replayed year after year as part of a marketing campaign of one of the world’s top brands? Every year, without fail, there’s a Jordan hitting the shot over Bryon Russell—HE PUSHED OFF DAMMIT. For most fanbases that highlight gets locked in a vault. For Jazz fans, it’s used to sell gatorade and Air Jordans.

这种情况，真的是爵士球迷从未经历过的境况；看到全国各大媒体争相报道米切尔，爵蜜们是不是都有点飘了呢？作为爵士球迷，我们早早就学会，蔑视米切尔所做的一切。其实这都要从迈克尔-乔丹说起，乔丹是爵士的万祸之根、痛楚之源。请想象一下，每一年，电视上都反复播放着你球迷生涯最痛苦的回忆，世界上最大的品牌之一用它来做市场宣传，你会是什么感觉？每，一，年，乔丹都要在布莱恩-拉塞尔头上投进那一球——可恶啊他真的推人了啊！对于其他球迷，这一球将被当做NBA经典永远收藏；对于爵士球迷，它就是用来卖饮料卖球鞋的没什么厉害的有什么的也就那样嗯。

Jazz fans are taught not to trust athletic shooting guards with exceptional dunking ability and supreme marketability. Guys like Kobe Bryant, Dwayne Wade, Vince Carter, and T-Mac are the enemy. Why? Because they’re athletic, have shoe deals, and get star calls. Real basketball players play inside the system, abhor hero ball, and always—and without exception—play beneath the rim. Eye catching layups? That’s for showboats. Dunks? Those are for Karl Malone’s early years before the Jazz saw national television. Alley-oops? ARE YOU CRAZY? SOMEONE COULD GET HURT. Real basketball players pass the ball, make the right play, and make the jumper off the curl after burning 20 seconds of shot clock using the Princeton Flex.

爵士球迷很早就学到，有一种人最不能信：身体素质劲爆、扣篮震撼好看、市场价值超高的得分后卫。比如科比-布莱恩特、德维恩-韦德、文斯-卡特和特雷西-麦克格雷迪，他们都是爵士的敌人。为什么呢？因为他们身体素质好，他们有球鞋大合同，他们场上有巨星哨。真正的篮球运动员，应该在体系之内打球，厌恶所谓的英雄球，而且永远——所有人都听好——永远在篮筐下面打球。飘逸上篮？那是表演赛的玩意儿。暴力扣篮？卡尔-马龙年轻的时候玩过这个，那会儿爵士连全国直播都享受不到。空接？你疯了吧？玩脱了受伤怎么办？真正的篮球运动员做的是，传球，跑对战术，向外曲线切出接球跳投，老老实实落阵地，打上20秒的普林斯顿进攻。

Donovan Mitchell sometimes has bad shooting nights in which he still scores 25 which Jazz fans love to cheer for now, but Jazz fans would CRUCIFY Kobe for them. Donovan Mitchell going hero ball in the last few minutes is something we’d knock Michael Jordan down a peg because he was breaking the offense. Those highlight plays of Donovan’s? How does anybody get that type of athleticism without making a deal with the devil? Mephistopheles made MJ. Don’t @ us.

多诺万-米切尔有的时候会手感冰凉，但他依然能贡献25分；爵士球迷为米切尔的表现送上欢呼，但要是科比打出这样的比赛，早就被爵士球迷黑成渣了。米切尔在比赛焦灼的最后几分钟，会选择自己解决问题打“英雄球”；但如果乔丹打这种球，爵士球迷会说他这是个人凌驾于集体之上，破坏进攻体系的不可取行为。还有米切尔那些飞天遁地的十佳球呢？天啊，这种级别的身体素质，他肯定是和魔鬼做过交易吧？就像冥王哈迪斯将死亡的力量赐给了迈克尔-乔……不，请不要提起那个男人，跟我们没关系的，不要这样……

We were taught as Jazz fans to despise bandwagons. Why? Because the Jazz never had a bandwagon. The Utah Jazz were—and still are—the butt of every white guys can’t jump joke despite the fact that Utah being full of white guys hasn’t been true since it’s expansion days in New Orleans. The Utah Jazz are the opposite of a bandwagon, they’re usually the street sweepers at the end of the parade picking up horse ****. It’s not glamorous, but it’s a job and we should be thankful. Some cities lose their franchises. The Millers put theirs in a trust because they love us. All hail Larry Miller, full of truth and grace. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. *lights candle in front of memorial 1996-1997 Utah Jazz team*

爵士球迷很早就学会，不要轻信任何的跟风粉。为什么呢？因为爵士从来没有引领过什么“风尚”。从以前，到现在，爵士一直被当作一支属于“跳不动”的白人的球队，然而，从新奥尔良时期开始，爵士队里就不只是白人当家了。其实，我们一直是逆潮流的球队，就像那些在冠军庆典后在街头收拾卫生的清洁工。纵使外表毫无光鲜可言，但内心依然对这份工作、这个身份充满感激。有的城市连NBA球队都没有，米勒家族将球队连同他们的信任全盘托付给我们，因为他们爱我们，爱犹他。让我们向真诚、高尚的企业家拉里-米勒致以崇高的敬意！哈利路亚！（请想象上述画面背景中矗立着1996-97爵士队的纪念碑，周围一圈蜡烛闪烁着微光，一眨，一眨）

Yet here we are with Donovan Mitchell, making complete hypocrites of our past Jazz selves and ABSOLUTELY LOVING IT. Who knew that 25 points on 8 of 25 shooting could be so special? Who knew that a superstar going hero ball in the last 8 minutes of a game is so liberating? Who knew that highlight real dunks were so—okay, maybe we always wanted those, but every thing else? We were taught to mistrust it. The entire Utah Jazz fanbase is going through a rumspringa, and there’s no way they’re returning back to the old way of life.

好吧，说回多诺万-米切尔，自从他来到球队，所有爵士球迷都成了伪君子，背叛了初心，对米切尔的感情，也只能说是——爱死他了！以前谁想到，25中8得25分却能让人有与账面效率完全不同的观感？以前谁想到，超级巨星末节8分钟一人杀死比赛能让球迷嗨到爆炸？以前谁想到，实战扣篮——好吧我承认以前我们其实就挺喜欢看扣篮的，但不管了，还有其他好多东西呢？我们以前有太多的误解。整个爵士球迷群体似乎都像十五六岁的孩子一样逐渐成熟，而且再也不会回到以前那种懵懂无知的状态了。

The Utah Jazz are gaining a bandwagon. Louisville fans are falling in love with this Utah Jazz team while using Donovan Mitchell as a gateway drug. Timberwolves fans who were disenchanted by Thibs are trickling over. Aussies are coming for Joe Ingles and—who are we kidding—they stay for Joe Ingles because he’s amazing. Casual fans know Donovan Mitchell’s name. Two years ago, it was difficult to get people to say Gordon Hayward’s name right—it’s Hayward, not Haywood. Now Mitchell is a household name with a Dunk Contest Trophy. The Utah Jazz get name dropped on a nationally televised game that doesn’t feature the Utah Jazz.

犹他爵士现在也引领了自己的潮流。米切尔大学母校路易斯维尔那边的球迷，都借着米切尔加入了爵蜜群体；对汤姆-锡伯杜绝望的森林狼球迷也逐渐靠拢过来；本来只看乔-英格尔斯的澳洲球迷——啊这个我们就承认吧——他们还是只看英格尔斯，因为人家确实强啊。路人球迷也开始听说米切尔的大名，而两年前，他们连戈登-海沃德的名字都说不对，海沃德海伍德傻傻分不清楚。现在，米切尔凭借扣篮大赛冠军一战成名家喻户晓，爵士也开始频频登上全国直播，就算是非爵士的比赛，解说也会不断地提到与犹他有关的许许多多。

The Utah Jazz have a Coach of the Year candidate, a Rookie of the Year candidate, a Defensive Player of the Year candidate, and an Executive of the Year candidate. That doesn’t happen. Just ask Jerry Sloan who NEVER won a coach of the year award. This doesn’t happen to us. We don’t get asked to prom. We don’t get the big break. We’re the footnote on someone else’s title run, hall of fame career, or record setting night, not the feature.

爵士现在，坐拥最佳教练、最佳新秀、最佳防守球员与最佳经理的竞争者，然而，我们所有人都会是陪跑。问问杰里-斯隆，他就一个最佳教练都未曾获得。这些奖项真的与我们绝缘，我们就像是高中毕业舞会没有女舞伴的小少男，就像迟迟等不到爆红机会的龙套演员；我们在球星的笔记本里，永远只是在备注栏，他们想追求冠军，想进入名人堂，想破个历史纪录，都不可能优先考虑我们。

So what do Utah Jazz fans do when they’re invited to the cool kids table?

所以，当爵士球迷被邀请加入主流，他们什么感觉呢？

They ****ing love it.

爽死了。